I was originally planning on posting this last Friday. However, due to the news regarding George Floyd, you got something totally unplanned. With that said, I hope that you enjoy this post and I’ll chat with you soon!
Welcome back to another blog post! Thanks for sticking around as I’ve been semi-MIA! I was elbows deep in studying for final exams, and I am proud to say that last Sunday I finished my first semester of college. Honestly, going to college was something I never thought I’d be doing. Now, I’m 21 years old and a wide-eyed freshman! Despite the criticism of other people throughout the years, sticking it out and deciding to go to school in my own time has been a game changer! I never realized how much it would test my confidence, my ability to be self sufficient, and the bravery of putting myself out there. Deep down I’m glad I waited. All those years of doubt have truly built up the reassurance that I needed to succeed.
Many experiences in my life have been done at my own pace. Sometimes waiting can be a touchy subject specifically when it comes to the people in my life. There have been numerous people who have done life by the book, and when you’re someone who unintentionally lives outside of the box those people will always have opinions. It took me so long to finally take back the power that others had on me! The quote below was one of my superpowers when it came to defending my decisions. I’m sure someone else has said this but for me all I hear is my Nana.
“Opinions are like assholes. Everyone’s got one and most of them stink.” -My Beloved Nana
It’s taken me several years to get over what other people had to say about the way I lived. I haven’t mastered the art of not caring, but I’m getting better at it everyday.
“So, what were those people arguing?”
Growing up, my parents have always been incredibly opened to their kids following their own path. Their only request has been for us to have a solid plan that we intend to follow in order to reach our goal. College was a fluid conversation. A younger me very rarely made plans for anything. At times I was an act now and think later type of person! When it came to my future I decided on a lot of careers that “felt like” decent careers at the moment! I had a phase of wanting to be a marine biologist, a professional dancer (I had been invested in different dance styles for years), a nanny, and the list goes on another 6ft or so! As the years went by my careers dwindled to one’s that didn’t require college. On my last leap on the hopeful college train I wanted to become a psychologist, but that quickly brushed off once I realized I had to go to college for 8-12 years. Honestly, I was a flake because I would never admit that I was scared. Scared, because I wasn’t ready. As my turbulent high school years came to a close I realized that I had to act quickly!
Am I going to just brace myself and go? Take out or do I have the guts to put my foot down and wait? Will my family see me as a disobedient or will this give me the chance to decide on what I want to do?
Long story short, I graduated high school with a loose plan because I didn’t have the guts to voice my hesitation. However, this plan did not require college, so I was somewhat happy! During this time I may have become the Queen of Waiting before I ever broke down and told my parents what I really wanted to do with my life. I wanted to be a novelist. After being honest I was met with two supportive parents who were eager to read my stories one day. Now I’m in the midst of editing my first novel and children’s book! How’s that for a wild story! Finally, I had room to breathe and pursue what made me happy.
Full of confidence and working in a career I actually enjoy has brought me back to college, but on my own terms. When it came to college I was hellbent on starting at the right time. Yet again, my main focus was deciding whether I was going for myself or for the gratification of other people. At the end of the day, it’s about succeeding in my life and doing what brings me joy rather than doing what other people want me to do.
This all leads me to today’s topic: balance. Now that the semester is over I’m slowly but surely getting back into the groove of life… I am mentally preparing for a summer class. HA! The joy ride never ends! Just you wait, my next post will be on avoiding insanity while in school! Just kidding! Currently, I am in the process of figuring out how to balance my blog, the editing stages of my first novel, and getting my AA. Since the beginning of May all of those things have started to really outshine one another, I found myself giving more time to a specific task. This exposed immense guilt about not accomplishing everything I’d planned on doing that day. This looked like spending hours trying to knock out my school load, being exhausted by the end of the day, and my weekend blog post would be non-existent because I was far from a decent topic to discuss.
It wasn’t until the final week of school that I was laser focused about sitting down with my parents and discussing how I’d balance all of it.
How was I going to go about balancing out my life, and how was I going to go about it when I got overwhelmed? They gave some really great advice that I wanted to go deeper on and express what I received from their words. Let’s get into it!
1. You are not a robot!
Before talking to my parents I had zero ideas that could pass as decent blog posts! Usually, I’d just be going down a list. But that wasn’t the case and it was driving me crazy! I was panicking internally and giving myself unnecessary anxiety about my lack of ideas. Consistency is very important to me, especially when it comes to my blog! My goal here is to start a conversation with others about topics I’m interested in and give people a space to express their thoughts on those topics! But how do I go about doing that when I’m doing schoolwork all day?
The thing about getting caught up in consistency is that I often forget that this is my space. The first point that my parents made was that this whole blog was not created to make me a robot. Just because I may not post every Friday doesn’t make me less passionate about my work. Throughout my conscious years of making my own decisions I’ve seen numerous situations in black and white rather than in hues of grey. Either the outcome of something is good or bad. My grades are extremely low or surprisingly high. I’m doing the right thing or I’m completely sucking at life! Do you get where I’m going with this? I’d strive for perfection. Even when I’d be doing considerably well, it was still never enough for me.
There was no acknowledgment that perfection shouldn’t be the default. If perfection is your default then you’ll never be satisfied. Now that I’m a little older and hopefully a little wiser those feelings will all start to disperse, because it’s honestly exhausting. Understanding that I won’t always be able to dish out my desired amount of content or give equal time to every project is okay. What matters is that I at least made time for it. Alright, onto the next topic!
2. Are you having fun?
My Mom’s next question was, “Are you having fun?”
The answer was obvious! I answered, “Of course.” Deep down, I figured some deeper analysis was required for this one, because there’s always room for analyzing. I know what type of blogger I want to be, what type of writer I’m destined to become, and a loose idea of what I’d like my future to amount to. Shouldn’t that give me some wiggle room for fun?
Again, the answer is obvious! Yes, especially when The Freed Sparrow doesn’t become something that stresses me out. I can have all the desires and goals in the world, but if I spend my time trying to get all of them done at once I’ll be drained before the age of 30! But in order for me to thrive in college, grow my blog, and start my writing career there has to be wiggle room! I am releasing the pressure to be a version of what’s popular in the blogging field. After all, this is a space created to be different and unique from all the rest! With that said, I’ll leave you guys with a quote to think on…
“You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.” -Oprah Winfrey
Alright my babes! That’s all I got for you! The Freed Sparrow is going to change slightly. Starting immediately, I will be posting twice a month instead of my usual post every Friday. You guys will have brand new posts on your screen the first and third Friday of every month! As always, I hope you enjoyed this post and I’ll see you soon!