Here’s a letter I wrote in 2019 in hopes of answering my own questions. Enjoy dudes.
I’m writing to you just about a week from my grandmother’s birthday. There’s something about this year that’s really got me sentimental. Mostly due to the fact that I’ve done so much in 2019 that I want nothing more than to share it with the people who aren’t here now. I wonder now, more than ever if they’d be proud of me? I’ve blamed this peculiar melancholy on you. Change, you’ve got this immensely uncomfortable method of making people feel like their skin has been turned inside out. January, I lose someone close to me only to realize how said person had changed me. This person began to turn me into someone I didn’t recognize until I woke up and realized I needed to do something! Eventually, I made my peace and could finally moved on. Fast forward a few months and another dear friend turned out to be more toxic than I was willing to admit, because admitting it would mean I’d truly be alone at that point and being by myself made me uncomfortable. God, how I just wanted 2019 to be something I could curl up into like a warm blanket but things aren’t that simple! After that came months of misfortune among the relationships I cherished most and were upended to reveal that even that foundation had cracks. But all things heal in due time, I’ve got to believe that.
Change, your a real piece of crap to me a lot of the time and you pull me out of my comfort zone with so much force I feel like I have to sew myself back together again, but at the same time you fill me with such golden, bubbly light and feelings that make me want to book a flight to somewhere I’ve never been! You leave me baffled and wondering, “Why me!”
Now, it’s December and as I’m writing to you, I’m thankful for some reason. I guess my heart is thankful that although at the beginning of this year things were rocky, thanks to you things eventually got better. I used to hope that you’d be kinder the next time you came around but now I realize that you’re not only inevitable, but a necessity so I can be everything I’ve always wanted. Thank you for that.
P.S: To the reader,
Thank you so much for reading! Catch you next Friday!