Wellness, Manifestation, and the in Between

Hello! Welcome back to another blog post! 

A few days before I found out about Wellness Con, I had been doing research on manifestation. I’ve fallen and accepted the slight depression I’ve come into due to not knowing who I am as a person, which is an extremely condensed version. I’m trying to figure who I am based on what I want and not others. So, I turned to manifesting. I always thought it was for people close to the universe based on a non-educated assumption. After doing more research and watching a lot of YouTube, I came across several pages that stressed the importance of goals and having a proper vision to look forward too. I had already created a vision board before this, but what I had missed was adding things that I truly wanted for my life rather than the goals others pushed on me to strive for. So, I cleared it out and started from square one! I began by writing down my hopes and dreams of the future and then comprised them via Pinterest. The next step was to begin the actual process of manifestation by sending a wish up to the universe, sending positive reinforcements in moments of doubt, and waiting for my cup to overflow. But the one thing that I learned from my research is that while some start small; others recommend going big or going home. 

I met both in the middle and asked for two things close to my heart that I’ve wanted for quite a long while. One, I asked to meet new people. People who had the same mindset as I do, people to look up to creatively when I doubt my own. Two, a sign that I am doing exactly what I am meant to be doing. I tend to fall into this place of immense doubt in my own creativity and wants in life. To the point instead of believing in myself I am my worst critic, hater, and shamer when it comes to my work. This is all until my Mom told me about this event called, Wellness Con in LA! I had no expectations in attending other than to be around other women of color, but after the very last second of the last day I was changing from the inside out! I walked away with so much more than I expected! Day 1, into the convention I was nervous, I remember walking down from, the parking garage in complete dread! Was this place I’d have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t? Would this finally be the place I wouldn’t have to be ashamed of what I choose to do with my time on Earth? I was always hiding the real me in other places, how would this be different?

It wasn’t until I walked in, signed in, and received a welcome goody bag from two beautiful brown girls wearing smiles did my sense of anxiousness begin to ease. I can’t express the blessing it was to walk into this with my fellow creature, my Mom! I was ecstatic that I didn’t have to do it alone. After finding seats, getting comfortable, and adjusting to the heat, the first speaker Lestraundra Alfred, began her keynote by asking the crowd “What does be a balanced black girl mean to you?” When I thought of a “balanced black girl” I thought of a woman with confidence, mental and emotional clarity, and the idea that she would have peace in all matters of life. The second thing I thought was there was no way possible that women my mind comprised was me. Then she explained what it meant to her. It is being mindful in your movement, stepping into the person you’ve always needed and wanted to be, and being aware of the space you take up as a balanced black girl. 

Not so recently, I’d had the same conversation with my Mom. I have never been confident about the amount of space I take up in the world. I try to be invisible and quiet to the issues that are important to me because of the fear of what others would think. I believed that my voice meant nothing to anyone, expect myself. This is one of the many reasons for me starting The Freed Sparrow blog, and it turns out that isn’t the case. She also spoke about being proud of telling others your story and up to that point I realized that in telling people my journey I censored most of it. I told people parts of my journey that pleased them rather than being proud of all my parts. After the keynote was over, I began to feel this ease and odd acceptance from the women around me, all of which I’d never met let alone heard of. Although, I was by no means fully, unapologetically accepting of myself, I was looser than I’d been arriving, and I welcomed this feeling. The following speakers spoke about the importance of equality in mental health and staying true to your culture but allowing your imprint on it to help those who are in a similar boat as you, all the many layers of self-care and how it translates into self-love. 

Walking out of Day 1 I was speechless and couldn’t stop talking about all I’d learned AT THE SAME TIME! My Mom and I spoke about it the whole ride home, flabbergasted and excited for Day 2. Day 2, all my manifesting had come full circle, and I am still reeving off the energy of it all. After the calming and beautiful isolation of experiencing my first ever sound bath, I met some of the most incredibly wonderful women. We spoke about our individual paths leading up to WellnessCon, and what we pursued creatively and in our life. And when I spoke on my life and my writing, I spoke with more confidence than I had ever had before. There is something about being around other creative people that breeds an overwhelming sense of confidence inside of you. I talked about my novel and my children’s book currently in the works with the same joy I have about it behind closed doors. Later, Chef Charity Faye, talked about an issue I’d been dealing with in my personal life regarding the people I choose to be in my life and how that ultimately affects my soul. We spoke on junk food friends, those friends you can have fun with and love being around in the moment, but afterward they leave you feeling horrible and empty. In a later post I’ll be touching more on how I have been dealing with a type of friendship like this, but for the sake of condensing my overwhelming understanding of such things I’ll say that I felt every word she uttered. Now, with this given knowledge on learning how to deal with those friends by lowering the amount of my time allowed too such friends, I have found how these junk food friends weave themselves so deeply into our lives that soon they become routine rather than something to be enjoyed on occasion. Also, understanding that some may not always evolve into super foods but rather stay on your guilty pleasures list forever. 

WellnessCon 2019, was one of the most fulfilling experiences of this year. I walked away full of understanding, knowledge, and what seemed like unshakable confidence in my abilities as a creature and most importantly a black woman. It would be foolish of me not to admit that keeping hold of this confidence as proved to not me easy, but it’s too good to let go. As far as manifestation, the two days were proof that if you truly want something in your life it will come to you in the moments you need it most. That’s the thing about life, things that we desire don’t come at the snap of a finger because if it did the satisfaction of the journey it took to get there would be pointless. It’s been a long time coming but the growth is welcomed and always needed. Thank you to all the woman and men who took the time to share their stories, truths, ideas, and laughter with me. It means more to me then you’ll ever know! Until next year, my friends!

Check out my Instagram to find all these amazing people I mentioned and go ahead and check out my content while your there! Have a wonderful day and a joyful existence!

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